You Are Not Your Anger
“Anger is an Emotion ~ Emotional Abuse & Violence is a Behaviour”
Most men who come to anger management counselling are not aggressive people. They are men who are stressed exhausted, overwhelmed and somewhat defensive. Men who feel like they have been trying to hold everything together — and then something snaps. A word from a partner. A frustration at work. Traffic. And suddenly they are somewhere they did not want to be.
Anger is rarely the problem itself. It is usually a signal. The key is how do we more appropriately manage our anger issues. Underneath most anger is anxiety, shame, hurt, or a deep sense of not being heard. When we cannot access those feelings — because we were never taught how — anger becomes the only outlet available.
At Geelong Men’s Counselling Services, Mark Randall has spent decades working with men on exactly this. The work is not about suppressing your anger or being told to calm down. It is about understanding what is actually going on underneath and finding better ways to respond rather than reacting.
Anger management for men is to develop insight and awareness to deeper emotions and experiences. Instead of defaulting to our old patterns which may be learnt behaviour. Learning to ‘process’ our emotions living underneath our anger and communicating them in an open hearted way is the key to change.