You come home and the house goes quiet. The same argument starts over the same small thing, and you can feel yourself either shutting down or getting louder. Afterwards you lie awake wondering how two people who care about each other ended up here.
Most men were never shown how to do this part of life. How to stay in a hard conversation without walking out or winning it. How to say what you actually feel instead of what you think. That isn’t a personal failing. It’s something you can learn.
What we can work on
- The same arguments going round and round
- Shutting down, going quiet or walking away when things get heated
- Feeling distant, like flatmates rather than partners
- Rebuilding trust and closeness after a hard stretch
- Deciding whether to stay, and how
- Separation, divorce and co-parenting, especially where children are involved
Coming on your own
Many men start on their own, and that’s a good place to start. You don’t need your partner to come for this to help. When one person changes how they respond, the whole pattern between two people can begin to shift.
On your own, you have room to look at your side honestly: what happens in you when conflict starts, where you learned it, and what you want to do differently. We go at your pace.
Coming as a couple
When you’re both ready, couples sessions give you a steady, neutral space to slow things down and hear each other. My job isn’t to decide who’s right. It’s to help you both see the pattern you get caught in, and find a way through it, whether that means rebuilding the relationship or separating with care and respect.
When a relationship is ending
Separation can turn a man’s whole life upside down: where you live, how often you see your kids, who you are now. I can help you through the grief and the practical side, and help you stay the kind of father and man you want to be through it.
If there is fear in the relationship
Couples counselling isn’t the right first step if anyone in the relationship feels afraid, or if there has been violence or threats. In that case, individual support is safer and more useful. If you’re worried about your own behaviour, I can help, and so can the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491. If you or someone else is being harmed, 1800RESPECT is on 1800 737 732, and in an emergency call 000.
Getting started
Sessions are private and confidential. I see men and couples in person at Suite 15, 24 Moorabool Street, Geelong. Couples work is best done in the room together; video sessions are available if getting here is hard.
Call Mark: 0419 187 475 or get in touch here.
If you’re in crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 in an emergency.
Related: Anger Management Counselling · Anxiety Counselling · Men’s Overthinking Loop Breaker
Mark Randall, Accredited Mental Health Social Worker